Whenever I see you, I am always taken back
to the times our love blossomed, to the times we were each other's world. Whenever I look at you, it only makes me worry All because we both know how you can never be mine nor will I be yours I am sorry if I always do this, I always write about you It's like I can never move on but that's just not the case. You gave me the greatest gift one's fond heart can ever receive, you broke my heart and writing about you is my only revenge. Kinda wanna boyfriend, kind dont wanna headache
Kinda wanna have kisses, kinda scared to risk my lips Kinda wanna be with someone, kinda sucks I can't meet him Kinda wanna see him right now, kinda thinking he might still be with someone Every high schooler should experience prom. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to have a date or whatnot, you just have to go. It's something worthwhile.
My prom experience was average except my "should-have-been prince charming" was just awful. We went together for both years and they were just underwhelming - not the prom itself, just him, him being my date, a crappy date. As I look back into it, I'm pretty sure he even begged me to go with him, the first time I can't remember but the Senior Prom, I recall vividly. We were supposed to be partnered with someone from the other level and I liked my date, he was kind of gay, he was always so enthusiastic at practice and he was just such a gentlemen but at the end, I still went with "knock off brand prince charming". Both years, all night, it was as if he doesn't want other people to see us as "partners". I'd ask him to have a picture together and he'd suddenly disappear or if he does, his smile would just seem like he doesn't want to be near me, he never asked me to dance with him and I'm pretty sure he has his attention on another girl. As I look back into it, it wasn't just at prom that he treated me that way. He's always treated me that way. Maybe I just didn't see it back then but I realized it now. I WAS SO NAIVE to think that he had actually treated me well because the truth is, he's never done that, not even as a friend. So, to all the 16 year old girls out there, if there is even a slight of doubt that you have with the guy that you're with, do not hesitate to point that out because I don't want you to make the same mistake I did, I wasted my time on someone who only made me happy for 3 seconds in 3 years. I'm not saying he wasn't worth it, I'm just saying I would have rather spent my time studying or learning how to make craft and writing more than thinking about him, caring for him or loving him. He will always be my "could have been" but God ultimately knows that he's not my "should have been" As a person who has huge dreams, 8 months after graduating college, it already feels like I've disappointed everyone who believed in me all because I still cannot land a good job - not even a crappy one.
For the past 5 months, I have been on Jobstreet nonstop, had 3 different job interviews and still, I'm fucking unemployed. It's not that I'm blaming myself but my God, I hate myself right now. I'm nothing more of a slob, doing nothing and just on my phone all day long waiting for a fucking miracle to happen. I feel useless. It's definitely tough out in the corporate world and I hate myself for still not being a part of it. By the time that I’m writing this, I’m pretty sure everyone’s heard of the not-so-new series adaptation of the book “13 Reasons Why” and you’re crazy to think I didn’t join the bandwagon and not watch this. As a matter of fact, I did. I did binge-watch it and finished the entire 13 episodes in one day. Yes. I don’t have a life….figuratively. *I HAVE TO CLEAR THAT OUT SINCE IT'S A VERY SENSITIVE MATTER IN THE LIKES OF THE SERIES* I must admit that when I watched it, I wasn’t in a good place. I just graduated from college and confused, depressed and all those kind of stuff most people deal with after graduating and I felt it all the more after finishing the entire first season. I know, it’s stupid to think that I was suicidal just after being so exuberantly happy from graduating college. But the thing is, I didn’t feel happy. I was just relieved that I’m done but there’s nothing really special that I felt after being called on stage in front of more or less two thousand people. I only felt the kind of happiness that’s mandatory because the occasion’s special; nothing else other than that. Thus, after watching the suicide-themed series, I had deep thoughts about taking my own life too. Crazy. Before I go on with this, I just want you to know that this is not in any shape or form a review of the series but if you want to know how I feel about 13 Reasons Why, I can only say this. If you are feeling even just the tiniest bit of sadness and you know for yourself that you are definitely sensitive, do not watch this show for it is extremely triggering. Just don’t do it, watch something else, just not this. Okay? Okay. So in the series*or book*, Hannah Baker spoke through the tapes about the 13 reasons why she killed herself. And if you are reading this, welcome to your tape…. Nah, just kidding. I’m not as pretty as Katherine Langford to take my own life, at least not yet if you know what I mean. Moreover, this blogpost is not about the reasons why I killed *or will kill* myself, rather, this consists of the 13 reasons why I still have to keep going on with my life. IF YOU ARE READING THIS, WELCOME TO MY PAGE.
ONE. I’m twenty… and pretty and have a whole future ahead of me. For a girl who has huge almost impossible big dreams, the world is not looking so great in my perspective right now. I’m in that point in my life where I have no idea where to begin again because I have been studying all my life and now that I’m finally done, I DO NOT KNOW HOW, WHEN WHERE TO START. Regardless, I know I’ll figure my own shit again somehow, sometime. FOW SHUH. Excuse moi french.
TWO. PEOPLE ARE ROOTING FOR MY SUCCESS. I know it’s silly to say but it’s true. Whenever people mention that they’re proud of how I did in college, I always think that there’s this implication or hope from them that I will do as great or even better in the real world. I may just smile or smirk whenever people say that about me but inside, I’m jumping up and down because it really means the world to me. It’s where I get my hope whenever I somehow screw up. Sometimes, it comes off to me as pressure but I just shrug the thought of it and see the bigger picture. Plus, I don’t want to give people the pleasure of tagging me as the girl who disappointed everyone and gave up because of my own selfishness, no shade.
THREE. I have yet to see the world. Ambitious, I know. I mean who isn't, right? Back to the Tumblr days in Elementary, I learned the word WANDER and I just completely fell in love with it; how it persuades you to go out on your feet and just discover what is meant to be seen by the eye, what is there to be felt by the skin, the scent to pleasure yourself.. All these. Wander. That's why I'm being so picky job hunting. I need to give myself the benefit and leisure of travel.
FOUR. Experience. In *most* aspects, zero. That's why.
FIVE. ATTY. LORENZ JANE A. ABENGOZA, LLB. I won't give up until I can finally write this legitimately.
SIX. Proving people wrong. This sounds so petty and idiotic but once in our lifetime, we have to do it. We have to prove to the people who doubted us that we can do it; that we can get through it one way or another. And I can't wait to see the look on their faces when I finally make it. *wink*
SEVEN EIGHT NINE
I may sound cocky and all towards other people but I don't need any kind of approval from everyone else but my family. At the end of the day, other than mine, it's how they think of me that matters the most. And I can't get a better response from them if I just stop, right? Hence, Cake, keep fucking going.
TEN.Mr. I-Will-Get-Married-To-You-But-If-I-Am-Richer-Than-You-We-Need-A-PreNup-Agreement. Yes, as cold as I seem to be, it's still on my plan to eventually tie the knot. Although, for sure, there will be no extravagant wedding. And yes again, I'm one of the girls who doesn't want to have a dreamy wedding with a whole entourage and all. I just want to say I do in front of the significant people beside the future most significant person to me. AND OH YES, if he's richer than me, *lawyer's tip* we won't be needing a pre-nup contract ;) Shoutout to Atty. Billie for this tip!
PS. Still undecided about having kids tho
ELEVEN/ELEVEN. If I ever get to write a book, this will be its title. Not only is it trendy and catchy, more importantly, it's my birthday! 11/11. Yes, writing a book is one of my very few goals in life. Words just do something magical to me. It draws me into things.. It makes me fall in love without needing a person to be in love with in the first place. So yeah. A book before I die.. Unreal, I know.
TWELVE. Repay all the goodness the world has blessed unto me. Sounds like I'm just saying this for the blog, right? But for real. I have been having this fantasy to give back as soon as I figure out how to make myself stable independently. I'm not the kind of girl whose motto in life is "The Little Things Matter the Most" No, I either will go big or go home. I will not settle for less. And going home isn't an option, it's just going to be a vacation not a lifestyle. Meet my badass self.
THIRTEEN and the least important..or not. I am strong and not weak to just give up on myself like that. Yes, thinking of suicide can already be considered as weakness but it doesn't really matter until I do so and what matters that most is that I didn't and I won't. I have hope marked in my heart and will never run out of it even if circumstances drain it.
This book/series is a very effective reminder that we have to always be very careful with every word that goes out of our mouths, every action we do, every gesture we act of because we all deal with pain in different ways and levels and one mistake can ripple out of a circle and may cost us a dear life. With respects to the people who did take their own life because we live in such a cruel world, my apologies, Cake. If I were to kill myself tonight, will you want to have changed anything you've done to me? It has been happening a lot lately. The thought of killing myself. It just comes to me at random moments. What the fuck is going on with me? I miss my happy self. I miss being genuinely happy. I miss laughing my ass off. I miss being "that girl".
I don't even know why I'm publishing this non-sense. I guess I just want to be heard. Ironically, no one can..anymore..soon. "We accept the love we think we deserve" I FELL IN LOVE. Yes. Shocker. The last couple of years was pretty hard for me to trust again since the last time I did, I ended up being depressed and alone and self-pitying but I finally had the courage to risk my fragile heart once more. Hmm...but I did not fall in love as hard as I did the last time, not because I was still scared but because I still had reservations about going into the pit again; I wasn't sure if it was worth trying again; not sure about the guy and just IN GENERAL, I was holding a bit back.
I'm not gonna go into details about how things happened but I'll assure you that this guy was amazing. He is the nicest person(next to my best friend, Aireen of course) I have ever met. He's very thoughtful, handsome and his words just had a way with me. It felt like the relationship we shared had a pure and lone intention of becoming a poem. We inspired each other so much, which felt a bit weird to me because I never felt like I needed any inspiration to do my thing but as it turns out, I actually do. He gave me motivation to study, helped me through sleepless nights and rooted for my best. The first time he said it. It felt so genuine, like he actually means it, not just for my sake but also for his'.. The first time he said "I love you" gave me chills and butterflies. We were just talking about something and then out of the blue, he said it. He said it in the same random way he came into my life.. Unexpectedly. It went on for like for a few months but I knew it was coming our way, the end of it all. And just as I was expecting, he stopped. I asked him if he meant saying all the things he said and he said that he meant it "at the time"...those three words tore my heart a little bit. I was back in reality; back into the most pragmatic lesson I have marked on my mind, that nothing lasts forever and for the unfortunate ones, not even for a bit of a long time. I wanted to be mad or get angry or get depressed about happened but the worst thing I felt was sadness. The way he made me feel is beyond words to explain. All I could think of right now is that he was worth it. It was worth trying. It feels like he was sent by God to me to prepare me again for something more...but who knows? Maybe it's still way way down the road. And to the guy who made me fall in love, guard your heart, nourish your mind and speak your soul. Thank you, D. I am writing again because of you. 6. CHRISTMAS!! is in a week and I am so excited yaaaaaaaaaaaays! Even though I know we aren't going to do anything special, idk, I still feel pumped about it!
5. GRADUATING COLLEGE. Aahhhh! I know! I haven't told you guys about it yet, or just not in this blog. I have so many mixed feelings about this. At one side, I am so happy because I'm finally done with that awful phase but on the other hand, I am expected to do something meaningful with my life now and I have no idea what is it. Well, I know that I'll enroll to law school next year but one thing that keeps me up at night is finding a job. I know it's really hard out there and I'm scared. 4. YOUTUBE. Oh yeeess! This is my life right now hahahaha. All I do is watch funny videos and stalk God knows who after watching their videos. Haha. I just wish I have a nice camera and an eventful life to have content to be able to start Youtube. Hmm. 3. CHANGING FRIENDS :( I know we arent supposed to expect that everyone's going to be the same for the rest of our lives but yeah. It's hard. It hasnt really dawned on me how much change there have been for the last couple of months until last week. I just feel so sad right now. I guess that's where I found the will to put up another blogpost. 2. 2017, please be great to everyone! This is all I want :) 1. That guy. I know I haven't really talked about this guy just because I wasn't really into him that much but when he ignored me for like a solid 3 weeks that's when I realized how much of a great guy he is. But it was too late. He winded up telling me that our situation could never work out since we only talk through satellites and I understand him. Very much. I still think about him every now and then, though. I talked to him recently and it felt so nice and familiar. If there is one thing I love about meeting him, it's that I have finally found someone to write about.
7. Midterm Exams. I hate it when August comes because of this. All the stressful projects and school stuff is at this time and I am already exhausted even though exams will start by next week. Succkkkkkss!!!
6. Graduation Pictorial. This adds up to my stress even more. We were just informed yesterday that it will be on the 22nd already. I don't even have a dress for it!!! Good thing we're going to Manila tomorrow so I guess I'll try to find something cute there. 5. Tax Class. You don't even know how scared I am of failing. This subject is going to be the make it or break it for my becoming of Cum Laude 4. Savings. I can't seem to put more in it, instead, it gets lower and lower. Where to find moneyyyyy, tell me!!!! 3. Lip tint's going to be phased out! My favoritefrom the face shop is going to be phased out!!!! I was informed last week and I don't know whether to find a new fave or what. What izzz lyf without it?! *cringes* 2. OJT Presentation. The actual reason of my stress. Ugh, too much to do, so little motivation. 1. JM's little family. I saw them last Monday at the mall. It made me very emotional. I don't even know why I felt that way. So weird. Hello. It's me. I was wondering why I have not been blogging for so long! Sorry. Hehe. I really thought that this semester(and hopefully my last in college) would be so chill but Ateneo has proven me, already, wrong. Everything that's school related are all so time-consuming. The time to study even just for quizzes takes up so many time, unlike when we were in 2nd or 3rd year. Sucky. Well, I'm writing this blog to speak of my fear of failing, particularly my Tax class. When I enrolled in this subject, I was informed that the teacher fails students and at our first meeting last June, he confirmed it. He even emphasized that "he cannot do anything to anyone's favor if the grades we make did not pass the cut", even for graduating students. I'll be honest, I'm really scared. What made the situation even worse is that I failed our prelim exam. Yep. I was 4 points short from passing. I nearly cried. My fear of failing is not just for my sake. It would just be one thing to fail a class and just retake it. But in my case, I have a lot of things to consider. In the evaluation, I am supposed to graduate this October, "IF" I complete all the academic and co-curricular requirements. So, my family, friends, EVERYONE, is expecting me to graduate this semester. Too much pressure, right? Even though my family isn't directly saying it, I know they're expecting. I know that if I fail them, they would be able to take it but I can't afford to disappoint myself - not this time. I'm really trying my best to do everything it takes to pass but the teacher just gives too difficult exams. I know that venting like this would do no good but to just simply sit and talk about it with my friends is not enough to ease me. I hope the professor would really be considerate this time. In all of my years in college, there's always this one subject that bothers the furr out of me - especially when we've finished everything already and are just waiting for our grades to be posted on our portals. Always. I can name all of them. First year, both Accounting 1 and 2 plus College Algebra. Second year, Consti Law and Total Quality Management. Third year, Labor and Admin Laws. And this time, Taxation. But Taxation(2) is the most crucial of all. To be honest, the subject, in its totality is not at all hard. Nope. It's easy, simple and precise. It's the exam that screwed me up and now keeps screwing my mind. If only I had a way to ensure my passing of this subject. So if you're reading this, please pray for me. Pray for me and my classmates to get out of this hellish class with a passing grade. I would be so happy if you do because I know God, He lets me know that people are helping me out. Sending you my love, Cake. 1. Law school - since I'm on my fourth year of college now, I can't stop thinking about what to do with my life or as what all Legal Management ppl would say "Should I or should I not attend law school?" Anyway, Ateneo de Naga U will open up the law school right after we finish our undergrad so it kind of motivated me more but I'm nowhere near decided.
2. My long-time neglected love life -duh, priorities that's why 3. Where to get money after college? Job fairs! WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL OF YOU!! 4. Gym. 5. ..but food. 6. Latin Honors -I really hope to be a Cum Laude. This will be a total achievement, no matter how people in Ateneo say that it's insignificant. So sad that people there think that way. 7. What to blog.. What to blogggg. Bloggggggggggg 8. NOT HERE HAHAHAHA NO WAY by Camille Garfin I do not even know how to start, how to make my words cooperate, and how to make my sentences sufficing enough to make you know how wonderful you are as a person.
I don't really know what to say, this is just word vomit overall. I just want to create this because I know you deserve such. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of an open minded person who sees the world in different perspectives. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of this beautiful person that when she laughs her eyes turn into crescents and her lips into a beautiful flower. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of a person who accepted my chaos and occasional clarity without judgement. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of a person who thinks my recklessness is bravery. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of a person who doesn't let flaws get to her but she makes her difference appealing. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of a person who was with me during my cold lonely periods without her knowing and put a smile on my frowning face. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of a person who's not complacent with the world so she excels. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of a person that I am proud of that she is my friend. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of stars and poetry and words because you are the muse someone would love, someone would be blessed to be with, someone who will plant words and grow beauty out of it because you are beauty in form, more brighter than the stars, more beautiful than roses. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of laughters and coffee shops and books and that is a dream, realized in reality. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of compliments outlasting Rome's conquest. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of a person who's more than deserving to have happiness in every second of her life. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of how better the world is because someone had accepted me with my darkness. When I think of Cake Abengoza, I think of friendship and how it is a prayer answered by God because Jesus, I've never been so detached from my detachment, because you make me always comfortable and happy. Thank you so much. You're a blessing and god knows how incapable am I of pleasant emotions but you make me feel beyond my abyss. You're the warmth of sunshine people want to keep in their bones. You're the 9 AM good mornings. You're the one if forgot is like undoing a part of a whole. Happy birthday, Cake.
Who doesn't love light feel good episodes, right?
How I Met Your Mother always feel like that in every episode that aired. No heavy dramas, no hard crying scenes, no die hard action cuts! Plus, Neil Patrick Harris is just awesome! So thank God for this series!
HOW I STARTED WATCHING
I started watching HIMYM when I was in 2nd year high school, I think. Just out of curiosity I bought a pirated disc of Season 6. The first episode of Season 6 was "Big Days". The one where Ted was scratching the his beer bottle tag and so I just got so hooked into it! It's weird though that I began in Season 6 but that doesn't make HIMYM any less awesome. And I promise you, I have watched each episode of this series not less than three times.
YEP. You may think that I don't have a life outside but I do, it's just that, when I start getting hooked into something, I never climb down that easily.
MY TOP 5 FAVORITE EPISODES
5.THE DUCKY TIE - Season 7 Episode 3
4. THE LAST CIGARETTE EVER - Season 5 Episode 11 3. PERFECT WEEK - Season 5 Episode 14 2. A Change of Heart - Season 6 Episode 18 1. Unpause - Season 9 Episode 15
I don't think I have to explain why those are my favorites, right? You may just watch them so you'd know.
HOW IT ALL ENDED
Okay. Even though I love this show so much, I still have not forgiven the writers of its ending! I hate that the mother died, I hate that Barney and Robin got divorced, I hate that Ted stole the blue french horn for Robin again. I just hate the ending as much as I love the show in general. But, I gotta admit that I loved that Barney had a child. Nevertheless, in general, I still would not trade this series for any other. It's still my number 1 series. Because it has always been LEGEN-waitforit-DARY! LEGENDARY!
I'm the kind of person who can lay down all day and just watch my classic favourite movies or series - everyday! I'm not the type of person who would immediately go to the cinemas and watch what's new - not if I was really really looking forward to that movie. And then again, I was bored earlier and thought of putting up my top 10 can't-get-enough-of movies, so here it is:
10. Matilda
My childhood peg. Back when I was little I thought everyone - including me will have a power like hers. And I was terrified of Mrs. Trunchbull. I also hated her family - thank God she found the teacher I can't remember the name of. I love watching this movie up until now! Sometimes HBO shows it.
9. Taken (1)
I'm not a big fan of action movies but this is an exception! The storyline is just too awesome to not want to watch this over and over again. I love the part when he instructs his daughter to hide under the bed and describe the kidnapper(might use it someday but not hopefully)
8. The Devil Wears Prada
Who doesn't love Meryl Streep and Anne Hathaway in one movie, right? I know it was a very simple movie but I seriously love this one. I can never delete this in my laptop - ever!
7. The Parent Trap
Eeek! Little Lindsay Lohan is adoooorbs! Idk when was this filmed but hands down to this little girl who was able to act two total opposite characters in one movie. Amazing, really!
6. Clueless
Wondering what my fave part is? Of course! The one with the computerized matching clothes!!! I've been wanting one, but no system has like that yet. Hahaha. Alicia Silverstone definitely put justice in this movie - P.S. Up until now, she still looks GORGE!!!
5. Gone Girl
I know this is one sick movie but when I first watched it - wooooooooaaaah! I totally didn't see any of those coming!!! Idk why but lately I've been into thrilling movies, yaaay! Less boring life haha. I've also been wanting to read the book version of this but I still have a stack to read sooo - maybe someday soon.
4(a). Miss Congeniality
Obviously I have two picks on number 4 - one of them is Miss Congeniality! I love Sandra Bullock here (I mean in everywhere!) How cool is one disgusting unshowered agent is to be entered into a beauty pageant- I mean, scholarship program as what the bitch in this movie would say. Hahaha. I've been watching this movie since I was a little girl - and I've grown loving it even more!
4(b). Princess Diaries I
Yep, another Anne Hathaway and yep, just the first one. I've always loved transformation movies. And princess movies, too! The kiss with the lifting foot has got to be my fave part - hoping to have a kiss like that when the right one finds me <3
3. The Blind Side
This movie touched the beejisas out of me! Especially the part when Mrs. Touehy gave Michael his room of his own and Michael said "I've never had one" and she asked "what, a room to yourself?" aaaand "No, a bed" I cried harder than expected. Looooloooolooove this! I just realized this is another Sandra Bullock movie. PS. She actually won I think an Oscar for this role. Cool, right?
2. Back to the Future - ALL THREE OF 'EM!
I have no words for these movies. I...just...love...em..all!
1. 50 First Dates
The first time I saw this movie, I immediately fell inlove with it. Imagine, your husband, letting you know everyday that he loves you even if you are so hard to be with? Ugh, goals! I love this even more when I found out(just recently) that it was based on a true story!
So, that's all of 'em! If you haven't watched any of those, you must! They are all a must watch. Totally worth watching :)
I was randomly looking for what to blog in the internet because I was too bored and have nothing else to do and so I saw this challenge and thought that it would be a nice thing to make! Here are 50 photos that may help you get to know me better :) 1. Picture of you with 15 facts 1. Lorenz Jane A. Abengoza 2. "CAKE" 3. Overweight 4. Dean's/President's Lister 5. Eldest 6. New Blogger 7. Sarcastic - most of the time 8. Sleep deprived 9. My room's color is pink 10. Sucker for HIMYM 11. Sucker for anything comedy 12. Can swim but not good at it 13. I have a really strong personality 14. People get intimidated by me - IDK why 15. Listening to Maddi Jane's cover of Price Tag ATM 2. Picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest My best friends, of course! But the girl on the right(your right) is the one I've known the longest 3. Picture of the cast of favorite show 4. You and a family member I miss you, Itay 5. Photo of the person who has gotten you through the most She doesn't have one decent photo in my phone or computer- srsly! 6. Someone you do the craziest things with Not anymore, though 7. Picture that makes you laugh I'm sorry, guysTrixieKeith 8. Picture of a treasured item/s 9. Favorite memory Two of my faves!!! Spontaneous Iriga Adventures :) 10. A picture of your ex-boyfriend The one and only 11. Picture of something you hate Fear of holes! People on facebook nowadays are really really getting into my nerves. They kept on posting photos which has annoying holes and it makes me feel really really uneasy. Ugh! 12. Picture of something you love Eating/Night out after exams! 13. Artist/s you've been fangirling into AlDub! I have never been much of a fan - not until I become one because of these two!!! 14. Favorite store ...because they have great picks of plus sizes!!!! Everytime I'm at the metro, I always try to visit F21 to buy new clothes 15. Something you want to do before you die Write a book. One of my "someday-somehow" goals 16. Someone who inspires you Ugh. I hate Oppo's camera. 17. Someone that has made a huge impact on your life Vanny!!!! 18. Sexiest woman alive Need I say more? 19. Something you love to do Eating out and chikka with Camille has got to be one of my stress relievers 20. Somewhere you'd love to travel 21. A picture of a beautiful scenery that you took Iriga City, 2015 22. Something you never leave the house without My phone, of course 23. Favorite book This book made me lose track of reality 24. Someone you miss Daddy! He's working in Dubai for almost a year now so I miss him - kinda. 25. Picture from last year November 11, 2015 - 19th birthday 26. Something that means a lot to you Famille. This...I really miss 27. Your favorite coffee house Anthosia Cafe aka Republika ng Pag-ibig 28. Your look-a-like 29. A photo that always make you smile Ted with the blue french horn. I badly want a blue french horn of my own 30. A poem that you love 31. Picture of food you made A pancake gone wrong - oops! 32. Somewhere you went today Yesterday- but I want to just share this with you! Haha Sta. Rita Island Resort 33. Your Hometown 34. Part of your body that you want to get tattooed 35. A photo taken at school 36. You - wearing a dress Resting bitch face forever 37. Something randomly funny 38. Picture that describes your life 39. Favorite cartoon character 40. Most hurtful word in the dictionary 41. A cute throwback 42. You - wearing a school uniform After immersion photo with Fin, Van and Gel's back 43. You - in a car On our way for some New Year shopping! 44. Your make-up all done 45. You - on a ride Penafrancia Carnival, 2015 46. Celebrity crush More like the future father of my beautifully made kids 47. Picture with a character Biboy and me with Darth Vader and a stormtrooper on the side 48. A stolen picture of you Starmark Cafe's nachooooooos! 49. A crazy night out Ohana's Christmas Night Out last year - the craziest ever! I mean, so far haha 50. Your favorite movie I love anything that has Adam Sandler on it! P.S. Did you know that this movie is based on a true story? Click this! After too much hours!!! I am finally done with this challenge. I hope you guys enjoyed reading and got to know me a little bit more. Chill out, love.
To all my old friends,
There are days it strikes me as so strange that I don't talk to you anymore. There are moments when something reminds me of you and I want to let you know , but so much time has passed that contacting you would be weird. I'm almost there.....but hopefully not too soon! Yes! I'm already on my fourth and last year in college. Goodness!! Ang bilis lang, diba? Natatandaan ko pa yung araw na nag-enroll ako sa AdNU with my best friend Aireen. She was determined to be a CPA, while I was not (although, gusto sana nila na mag-accountancy talaga ako). So I decided to take up Bussiness Ad, major in Legal Management. I must admit that I am not the best kind of student. Like most Ateneans, medyo may mga kalokohan din naman ako. Umiinom, cut class, di mag-aral - mga ganoong bagay. Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit pa rin ako palaging Lister. Yep! Dean's Lister madalas pero dalawang beses ko rin naman naranasan na maging University Honor. Haha. Siguro mahal lang talaga ako ni God kaya binibigyan niya ako ng mga teachers na mababait kahit pasaway ako.
Anyways, graduating is not my real dilemma(oo, dilemma, hindi achievement. Weird) - the after graduation is. Up until now, I'm still undecided to whether or not pursue law. Of course, it would be better if I did, right? But there are somethings that I can't sacrifice for the sake of my family, my siblings most especially. I want to send them to a good university too when they enter college or even better when they moved on to Senior High School(let's not go into what I feel about this freaking change because I do have some issues here) I want to help my parents raise them and well, I think it would be too much for me to handle if I work and study for myself and work for them at the same time. As you have noticed, there are obviously more cons when I pursue college of law but gosh-if I do, I would become a lawyer and that would be the most fulfilling job I would ever get to do in my lifetime. And hirap kasi talaga kapag pinanganak kang medyo kapos, ang daming kailangan munang i-consider, kailangan munang isipin bago gumawa ng decision. I don't know why but lately I have gotten a bit pessimistic almost about everything in my life and even about others'. I have been a little aloof with my family and friends - trying to avoid conversations. Maybe this is just me scared to answer the "certainly going to be asked" questions about how I want my life to go about but to be honest, I haven't really had much thought about it - still thinks that after graduation I would go home to Auntie Neneth's home, eat and sleep and act as if nothing has changed, act as if I'm still their baby achiever, act as if I am not a grown up already. Nevertheless, no matter how much I try to deny that things are already changing rapidly, they still do. CONFIDENT. This is what I am. Yes. Confident. I am confident to talk in front of a crowd, confident to write about all crap, confident about every part me. But sometimes, when I'm naked, I look down and see my fat, can't see my legs and can't bend down, I feel less confident. |